Crashbox

This is how I feel right now.

The open road leading away from California forever (at least as a place to live) is looming just ahead; I can almost see it now, in the harsh morning light of a dusty SoCal summer, or perhaps enveloped in a chilly bank of June Gloom as we make our way up the coast in our two ancient, rusty cars. All extras have been cast off, along with some things that were hard to give up. The 145 station wagon is still in pieces and the move is just two weeks away---but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that this time I can break the first rule of auto mechanics, and the project will actually go smoothly. There are friends being left behind to be sure; but we have talked about moving for so long that no one is surprised. Work will never again be the same as it has been for these last years... That is a good thing to be sure, but I will miss the infinite free coffee, teaching the lore being a mechanic to great young people, and sitting around smoking in the first shop I ever did any serious work in. The promise and tragedy of certain change, even if for the better, is a deep, remorseless current that pulls you toward the known and unknown future. My brain is sharp and focused, bent toward all the things that need doing before any of these dreams can come to light---but I am looking for the time when it's okay to be lost in an empty room at twilight. Sometime not long from now, I hope to be caught up, guilt free, in Lovecraft or B.P.R.D. with a hot cup of coffee, sitting in my own backyard, or maybe a dark Portland coffee house...The time to jump-start all my writing and illustration projects, Junket, etc., and pick up the guitar again will come in time as well, I am sure.

California, I will miss you; and that is something I have said here before. I have left you before too, even for the same reasons, going to the same places, and with the same mixed feelings. But this time, I am not coming back: and though there will be pain over our breaking, it is right and appropriate that our relationship has come to an end...

On to greater things. See you soon.