Crashbox

I think I finally know what my problem is: I am on Ecstacy. I am in such a habit of fine-tuning my senses to maximum clarity and full volume that I am crippled in my attempts to concentrate intellectually on one thing for any real length of time. I thought while in college that I was exceptionally stupid because I could never think on something long enough grasp it unless passion became engaged. And though I discovered real comprehension quite suddenly at times like during Finals Week, it seemed to take an inexcusably long time come to anything significant. Now I see that it is mental laziness and a disproportionate appreciation for sense experience that is truly at work here. Music, sounds, whispers, movements, the sky, the clouds, or any other possible object of sense takes hold of my attention with a death grip. Recently, however, I have actually been concentrating and focusing on things again, as I did when I was very young and intense; which has been reminding me of the importance of intellectual discipline. If one is to properly lead the life of the philosopher, one must train the mind---not limit it or impose unnecessary rules of thought, simply have enough mastery of emotion and attention that structured study is possible. So...I have a lot of work ahead of me, but it will be a noble pursuit. I disagree with my Alma Mater's bestowal of the title I was greeted with at Commencement---I am not in 'The community of those who know'. Rather, I am in the community of those who yearn.