Crashbox

This has been the apathetic math I can remember. Our tutor asking around the table an one after another shaking their heads. No one knew what the homework had even been, let alone did it. And I am as guilty as them. What happens to us here at this school? Everyone moans and gripes and gets depressed and there is not even a reason for it. I mean, they will sit and tell you that it's because of this or that and rationalize it, but it all comes to very little. I wonder, and I am saddened. I myself have not lost my fire for the intellectual life, and I have been mostly successful in avoiding the complaining and depression, yet I have become lazy from the apathy around me, and I have let the perceived brightness of the outside world distract me from the present task. I am in love with learning, and I crave knowledge, but my body and soul demand something else, something hard to define. Perhaps hard work would fulfill me in part; perhaps I am restless because I have never quite lived as my own man, free from immediate authority. I don't know. In any case, I search daily for intellectual motivation and hope that the future will greater understanding and greater discipline.